


Forget me Not

by KFawkes



Series: Oxford Comma [34]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kingsman Fusion, F/M, Harry Hart Lives, Kingsman Training, Kingsman: The Golden Circle Fix-it, Kingsman: The Golden Circle Spoilers, M/M, Memory Loss, POV Eggsy Unwin, POV Harry Hart, Post-Kingsman: The Secret Service, Protective Eggsy Unwin, Reader-Insert, Smitten Eggsy Unwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-11 17:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13528836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KFawkes/pseuds/KFawkes
Summary: Eggsy deals with your death, and the aftermath of Poppy's missiles... when he and what's left of Kingsman go to Kentucky, he's not sure what he will find, but it certainly wasn't you.





	1. Chapter 1

Eggsy didn’t think he could feel pain as strong as this one. He didn’t think it was possible to have his insides ripped to shreds, yet still be on what was considered functioning levels… he didn’t see how it was possible to still be a person— if you could really call whatever Eggsy was now that— after what he’d seen and done. He felt more like a shell of the man he used to be, and he probably would have been even less if not for his adept ability to compartmentalize… Maybe that wasn’t such a good thing now that he thought about it.

He learned pretty quick though that the mind could do all sorts of things if you thought about it hard enough. If you denied anything diligently enough, you could really ‘deal’ with anything. If 'dealing’ meant almost drinking himself to death, then he was handling your death quite nicely.

So he buried himself in work, and alcohol because that was the only way he could stop feeling–well, anything. He was sick of feeling like his entire world was crumbling around him… Like he was trapped under rubble, bleeding out slowly as the world went on around him like nothing happened at all. He took on far too many missions, worked his body and mind to the point of nearly breaking… he even did a few times, and he knew it was wrong. Knew he should be better for you and your memory but he just didn’t see the bloody point.

Harry and Merlin saw all of this, but of course they did. It may have been ‘easy’ for Eggsy to ignore the looks he got, but Harry couldn’t ignore what provoked them and in it all he felt responsible. He was there with you that day… unconscious and presumed dead on the church floor, yeah— but he was there.

He saw the trigger be pulled just as the rest of them did, only his view was much closer, and in all the things he saw and heard in all his years as a spy; the way Eggsy screamed your name was the most chilling of all. Never had he heard a more desperate cry of agony in anyone… and his heart broke to pieces.

Eggsy didn’t blame him though, and he knew that. How could he? It wasn’t Harry’s fault… it was no ones fault but Valentines, and the bastard paid— Eggsy made sure of that. But it didn’t make him feel any better. In fact, going on a murderous rampage in a bout of depression induced dissociation clearly did more harm than good. If the nightmares, and dark circles said anything, it was that; and now all that was left was the deep dusky void where you used to be.

Some days were easier than others, but they all ended pretty much the same, and even on those good days things just didn’t feel right. It was like one of those big gray clouds was constantly hovering over him… like he had a day full of plans, but couldn’t leave the house for risk of being stuck in a storm.

It was one of the worst feelings imaginable, and Eggsy really didn’t think he could feel anything worse than that… but then Kingsman was obliterated, and nearly all their actives with it. Thank the fucking universe that he’d been called away with Roxy, Harry and Merlin— cause if the smoldering holes where all their flats used to be said anything— it was that someone wanted them dead, and didn’t care about casualties or subtly.

But yet again he was proved wrong, and given new levels of agony to endure. He wasn’t sure he could believe his eyes when he saw you behind that one way mirror… You were just standing there fixing your hair, and you looked so god damn beautiful. When that cowboy bastard held his gun to the glass and threatened to pull the trigger he thought he really had died back in London…

Was this heaven or hell though? He didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he even believed in either, which only made things worse.

Saying he was completely stunned didn’t really cover it, this was more like he straight up didn’t exist on this realm any longer. He was outside of his body, watching himself stare at you helplessly like a deer in headlights. His breath froze like ice in his throat and his eyes spread wide in apprehension… he couldn’t even blink because if he did he wasn’t sure you’d still be there when his eyes opened again.

If not for Harry’s bound hand reaching towards his own; offering a soft grounding pat, he’d of thought he had gone completely mental. That small touch said that he wasn’t dreaming, and that you really were there… When he looked to Harry, his eyes begged for further confirmation— and the look he received was just as sympathetic yet sure.

“Two.” the man warned again. A small smile spread once he saw the reaction Eggsy had taken, proud as high hell that he’d been right in suspecting they knew you— and now he was about to finally get some answers. The satisfaction tasted as delicious as his mama’s sweet tea, and he couldn’t hide the glint in his eye. “Thr—“

But before he could threaten you any longer, the gun lowered as a dark haired woman opened the door; tossing an umbrella to the cowboy. He caught it with ease, observing the plaque with a more honest and only slightly apologetic smile. “Sorry boys… was just doin’ my job.”

“This is the part where you let us go.” Eggsy growled looking to the man, a near unchecked fury behind his darkened eyes. This was the first time he looked away from you, and he still wasn’t sure that when he looked back you’d still be there.

The man he learned to be named Tequila offered a much lighter smile than before, and a pure hearty laugh; as if he was just a kind soul playing the part of a heartless killer, and even though Eggsy wanted to hate him in that moment- he couldn’t.

When they finally cut the plastic bindings from Eggsy and Harry’s wrists, he nearly ran to the adjacent room; excitement building with each step until the anticipation was almost killing him. He couldn’t get to you soon enough, he wouldn’t believe it until you were in his arms. Not until he was looking at your face, and pressing his mouth so ardently to yours… then he’d believe it.

“Y/n…” Eggsy stepped through the door, and when he did you looked to him immediately; that beautiful rush of surprise cascading your otherwise gentle expression. “How the fucks this possible?” when he reached you, you stepped slightly back into the sink you stood before; your hands pressing to the cool ceramic of its frame. He lifted both hands to your face, and just before he touched you your eyes changed from surprise and confusion to something closer to a cold indifference.

You didn’t move exactly, but you looked at him like you’d never seen him before in your life… like you didn’t know him at all. Like you two hadn’t been madly in love only 12 months before. Like you hadn’t spent the better part of a year pressed tightly between the sheets at night, and fighting hand in hand during the long hours of the day…

You just looked at him like he was nothing; almost through him even as his hands lingered at your chin. You pulled back from the embrace slightly, swallowing more sharply than before as you scanned the face before you.

Who the hell was this man and why the fuck was he looking at you like… like this? 

“Uhm, I’m s-sorry, but…” you swallowed again, eyes narrowed as the pad of his thumb traced the cheekbone softly. You were uncomfortable in a way, because suddenly there were two well dressed men standing in your room with the most expectant of faces, but somehow you also felt safe around them, and the way this one was looking at you… it just… there had to be more here. “I don’t mean to be rude but… who are you?”

When you said that he felt like his whole world was crumbling to pieces again… like he may as well of been blown to shit back in London because that would have beat this aching any day. Right now he’d give his left arm for the pain he had earlier today— because this was truly something else.

You hadn’t failed to notice the face he made, and even though you’d never seen him in your life you found the downward curve of his lip and brow so beautifully peaceful. Beautiful, yet also so harrowing— like he’d just taken a knife to the heart, and you lifted your brows lightly in remorse knowing you were the one doing the plunging. There didn’t seem to be a right answer here, so you swallowed again shoving your lips into a frown as his hand fell from your cheek and down to his side. You watched unblinking as his lip trembled in bereaved happiness, failing at finding any words at all…

“You don’t k—“ those azure eyes found yours again, starting once more; his voice cracking as his gaze flickered in near desperation. But before he could say anything else, the second man stepped forward, placing a hand to his shoulder and pulling his gaze towards it. The second man didn’t say a word, he just looked at the younger one with sympathetic eyes, and a wistful smile.

“Go on, Eggsy… I’ll be right there.” the older man spoke, his hand still placed softly to the younger’s shoulder. He nodded in response then turned to leave the room, but not before tossing you one last dismal glance behind eyes screaming of betrayal, and a heart racing like a mare.


	2. Chapter 2

When the door closed your eyes lingered on it far longer than they should have… the moments before were spent tracing along the lines of the broad shoulders that slunk out heavily with defeat, and you couldn’t help but feel responsible for their weight.

You didn’t know him, but be sure looked at you like you did… so who was he? Eggy, or something the man had called him, right? You’d have to ask. Have to apologize for offending him, too— for hurting his feelings, or whatever it was you did that chase him off.

Okay, maybe you did know why he’d run off, but why would asking him who he was upset him so much? Unless he thought you were someone else…

Were you?

When you couldn’t figure it out you rubbed your forehead, releasing the breath you’d apparently been holding. Today was sure turning out to be one massive fucking headache, but even with that dull throbbing between your temples growing with each second, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you HAD seen him before.

It was so faint, just like a dream… but it was there. Maybe if you focused really hard you could…

“My name is Harry Hart.” the man said with a soft smile breaking your concentration. To be fair though, you really hadn’t made any progress, and when you looked to him the previous sadness behind his gaze was erased almost completely.

His new face was happier in a way, but not so convincing that you believed it. For some reason you knew better. He stepped forward offering a friendly hand to you. He was wearing a light gray suit, and looked just as posh as the other one.

You took his hand after a second with a shallow nod and an even shallower smile; but your grip was firm and your eye contact unwavering. “Y/n.” you replied even though both men had clearly already known it. You wondered if maybe Ginger told them… but somehow knew that wouldn’t be it.

“If you’ll excuse my partner, Eggsy— he’s had a rather long day, or I suppose… a very long few months.” Harry stepped closer, his eyes scanning the walls of your room.

“W-what happened to him?” you asked curiously, crossing your arms and shifting your gaze to the mirror. You couldn’t see a thing besides your now reflection and the room staring back at you, but you knew somehow that he was on the other side of it. You also knew your question was downright nosey… that he’d likely heard you ask it too — but you suddenly needed to know more about him, and you really didn’t care who was watching.

“He lost someone close to him. Someone he loved very dearly.” Harry smiled thoughtfully, softer this time and you could tell by his voice that he cared for the man a great deal.

The initial feeling you got at that was soft and warm, and made you instantly happier. You were just so damn glad that he had someone.

But… why?

You slid your eyes from the mirror and back to this Harry Hart, shoving that biting thought of familiarity away because you weren’t sure you liked how it felt. When you looked back to him his posture was straight and professional, yet his eyes were full of that same familiarity you felt. Only he did a better job at keeping it hidden behind that mask of polished skill he wore so well.

You bit your lip anxiously, pulling your arms closer to your bust as a frown spread. “I didn’t mean to upset him… I just— he sorta freaked me out.”

“Having two men you’ve never seen before entering your room and coming towards you out of nowhere? Yes, I think that is grounds for being a bit ‘freaked out’.” he replied kindly, and from what you could tell— honestly.

The smile you released came more naturally now as you glanced back to the mirror. You pulled a fist to your tired eyes, rubbing them as you sat heavily to your bed. You watched Harry’s reflection carefully as he stroll the outskirts of your room, admiring the books lining the walls, lingering longer on the sketches you hadn’t touched in ages at your desk. He was taking everything in carefully… like he was studying you, and your surroundings but for some reason it didn’t seem to bother you.

For some reason all you could do was think about that Eggy— no, Eggsy, and the face he made before leaving your room. You pulled your fingers to your lip, pressing one between your teeth as you fixated on that delicate curve of his frown, and the bright shade of his eyes… Then suddenly there was nothing you needed more than answers, and you needed them right fucking now.

“I realize my saying this risks you running out of here too. But, why exactly are you here?” you asked finally looking to the man parading your space like you were a science experiment.

Harry smiled again, with a certain affection behind his eyes as he pushed his hands into his pockets. “Unfortunately Y/n, we don’t exactly know. I can tell by your face that that is not the answer you wanted… but sadly, that is the only one I have for you. But I can assure you that once we do know, we will tell you.“ he paused to smile softly before continuing. "Would it be alright with you if my partner and I were to came back at a later time?”

You nodded a silent reply of acceptance, as your brows lifted slightly. You somehow knew he was being honest, but you weren’t any closer to an answer and that didn’t sit very well in your stomach or your face apparently. But he was right, and it would have to do because with that he smiled then made his way out of the room with an accepting nod of his own.

You didn’t see where he was going, as you never did when anyone left— and it wasn’t until this moment that you realized you never thought to ask why.

Whatever the reason you’d been perfectly content in spending your time here under lock and key. You hadn’t even questioned it, actually… but now that you’d met these men things just felt wrong. If only you could figure out why…

When Harry reached the adjacent room again, Eggsy was staring at you through the mirror. He had one arm spread across his chest, the other hand resting timidly over his chin and mouth. He wore the most stern set of eyes Harry had ever seen, and he really didn’t like it.

Eggsy meant a great deal to Harry, and seeing how he’d been the last year pained him more than he wanted to admit. He couldn’t even imagine what he was going through, because Harry himself had never been in love. Not the way Eggsy loved you… no that was something else. Something no one in the entire world had, and it was beautiful.

It was completely shit because Harry was Kingsman’s finest but he hadn’t the slightest idea how to help one of his closest friends in their time of need. He didn’t know how to promise there would be a better world for him later, because Harry had been doing this a long time… and he wasn’t sure it was even true. He may have believed in that world once upon a time, but every day it seemed a little further away.

But he had to try, didn’t he? Just because he was being a cynical old man didn’t mean Eggsy had to be one too. No, what Eggsy needed was hope.

“I’m not sure what’s going on with Y/n, Eggsy… but we will figure it out. Perhaps Merlin will know something more useful.” Harry smiled warmly with hope ringing off his voice as he step closer.

Eggsy didn’t look to him though, or respond in the slightest. No, his eyes were glued to you. Watching you carefully while you sat there staring right back at him, with that same face you wore when you were trying to remember a word, or the name of a song. And they both knew you weren’t really looking back at him, but no one needed to say that.

Harry joined Eggsy at the mirror after a moment, drawing in a slow breath before he attempted any form of consolation. “I can’t imagine what this must be like for you.”

“T’be perfectly honest with ya, Harry… ain’t sure what I’m feeling no more.” a long sigh slipped as his frown sunk deeper than before. Those dark burdened eyes seemed heavier now as he watch you bite at your nail completely lost in thought. "Feels bloody pointless tho, don’t it? Come all this way, an for what? Buch of fuckin’ agents named after booze that don’t know shit, an someone that looks like my Y/n, but ain’t. We’re completely fucked… I’m completely fucked.”

Harry lifted a heavy hand to his back, offering what he hoped was a soft comforting rub. He wasn’t the best with words—never had been, but he hoped that Eggsy would understand what he was trying to say. He hoped it would be enough to at least let him know that he wasn’t alone in all of this, even if he felt like it. “I know this isn’t what we expected. In fact it’s quite literally a mess— but Y/n is alive, Eggsy. You can’t give up now.”

“What if I already did that…” his lips trembled lightly as his voice broke in defeat. This was a new low for Eggsy, and for someone that hit rock bottom long ago, this was a new level of calamity. “What if it’s jus too late?”

“It’s never too late, Eggsy. You of all people should know that.”

“Y/n don’t know me, Harry.” Eggsy finally pulled his gaze from you, sending an unbelieving one Harry’s way instead. It was screaming so loudly… and it was so full of pain. It rang in disappointment and dripped with failure. “What d’you expect me t’do?”

Harry pulled in a deep breath, glancing around the room you sat as he scan his mind for the right words. But did he even have them— would he ever have them? Harry wasn’t sure but he had to try because he could see Eggsy slipping further and further away with each passing second. “I expect you to take this for the blessing that it is. You’ve been given a very rare opportunity here, Eggsy. Don’t fuck it up by thinking it’s already passed you by. Because if you aren’t careful, it will.”

Eggsy didn’t say anything back to that, he just scoffed slightly but not in retaliation as he pulled his eyes back to where you stood in the corner.

“There are drawings of you in there… I saw them on the desk.” he paused momentarily to gage Eggsy’s reaction before continuing. “Y/n might not remember what you had, might not remember you, or the way things were before—but s/he hasn’t forgotten you. At least not entirely… Y/n’s not lost, Eggsy. Not unless you decide to stop looking.”

Eggsy pressed a deep breath through his nose, the apprehension leaving his furrowed expression in cool waves as his eyes softened more. You were standing in the corner still, holding fists full of paper just switching their order in near rapid succession… You looked so damn beautiful, and all he could think about was having the chance to kiss you again… the chance to hold you in his arms again. To tell you how much he loved you, and that he’d never let you go again.

He smiled finally after what seemed like an eternity; swallowing the lump of regret he held at his throat because maybe… just maybe he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 tomorrow!


	3. Chapter 3

You didn’t sleep well that night, or the night after. You couldn’t sleep because you couldn’t stop yourself from fixating on Eggsy… You couldn't stop thinking about the way he said your name, and the way he looked at you like he could see into your soul. You wondered if maybe he could, and only a small part of you was afraid of what that meant. There was something so fervent in that look, and it shook you to your core leaving you with hazy feeling; like you should know what it meant, but just like everything else... you didn't. 

The worst part of the last few days was that anytime someone knocked on your door you hoped it would be him… but just like the latter, it never was. 

It would be Ginger checking in, or Tequila bringing you some new books to read... Sometimes it would even be Jack with his deck of cards, and smile set ear to ear. It was nice to see them all of course, they’d become like your family— but you couldn’t stop the pang you felt— the drip of disappointment when every knock didn’t come from him. It was weird, because you'd only met him once for just a few minutes, but he was all you could think about. All you could see when you closed your eyes, and it was more than a little haunting.

It wasn’t until the third day that Harry returned though, and when he entered he offered you a kind reassuring smile just like before. You’d expected to see Eggsy standing there with him— or rather, you’d hoped you would, but instead Harry was accompanied by someone you hadn’t met before.

This new man was tall, thin and gloriously bald. He was handsome, with sharp features and wore a pair of horn rim glasses and a cashmere sweater with brown shoulders… He looked exactly how you imagined M from Bond looking like, and you couldn’t hide the smile at the thought. Wouldn't it be funny if they all turned out to be spies or something? They did sort of look the part... but your fun didn’t last long because under the man's soft and welcoming smile was that same look of hidden familiarity. 

It was the same way Harry and Eggsy looked at you— though Eggsy’s was more troubles— and you didn’t like how it made you feel. Why was everyone looking at you like that lately? It was like they all expected something from you, but it was something you just didn’t have.

“Y/n, it's lovely to meet you.” the man stepped forward to shake your hand. “My name is Merlin.”

“Likewise.” you smiled, short and sweet as you took the hand presented. You waited a moment, then tossed your eyes to the door again briefly. You were still expecting Eggsy to join you three, but it was becoming increasingly apparent he wouldn’t be. Both men had caught on to your face though, and looked to each other immediately. 

“He’s a bit under the weather today, I’m afraid.” Harry paused only for a moment confirming your suspicions as if he could read your mind. You nodded shallowly in response because what else could you do? 

What did you care, anyway… Also, why did you care?

You decided you absolutely didn’t, and that you were merely curious as you should be. A moment later you turned to face the newest addition to this fucked up equation with another smile. If Eggsy wasn’t going to give you answers, one of these men would.

“So…” you crossed your arms passively, leaning your hip into the desk. “you another doctor or something?”

Merlin looked to his feet briefly as a soft smile and laugh slipped. “No, I’m not a doctor.”

“Then who are you?” 

“A friend.”

Another strange sense of creeping familiarity spread beneath your skin like ice water, and your brows furrowed slightly over narrowed eyes. You knew without a doubt that you’d never met this Merlin, just as you didn’t know Harry or Eggsy… 

Right? At least… you were pretty sure you hadn't.

If you were being honest, it was hard to tell anymore, and you couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe you did know them all. That would explain your drawings of Eggsy, wouldn’t it? The only other option would be that you were psychic, and had premonitions of his arrival, or maybe you dreamt him into existence… Or perhaps you just watched too many damn movies.

Okay, so you definitely did but that was besides the point. 

The point was that you had seemingly no connection to any of these people, yet you felt as if you did… and if that wasn’t confusing, you didn’t really know what was. But at this point you weren’t ready to write off the psychic part. 

Just as you were about to ask Merlin what he meant, there was a knock at your door. The three of you shot your eyes to it in a flash-- yours more expectantly than the others as you voiced permission to enter. It was Eggsy, and when you saw him you weren’t sure what you felt... Was it sorrow, or happiness? Was it pain or admiration? Confusion or clarity? 

When you couldn’t figure it out you just smiled his direction as he stepped closer. Eggsy didn’t look at you at first, and you weren’t sure if you should be bothered by that or not; but ultimately you kept your mouth shut and your eyes glued to him. He wasn’t in a suit today like Harry was, but instead a dark charcoal hoodie with three orange stripes down the side of the arms. He looked just as handsome as he did the other day, and you found yourself more than a little distracted by sharp lines of his jaw. 

So distracted in fact that you hadn’t even noticed Harry and Merlin begin leaving until the offered another set goodbye's from the doorway. And suddenly, you were alone. Or at least as alone as you ever were in this place.

“Guess I should start by apologizin’ for the other day, yeah?” Eggsy spoke under dismal brows, looking to you with those same sad eyes. He tried smiling, but you knew it wasn't real. “Didn’t mean to come at ya like that… you jus... you look like someone I used t’know, someone I ain’t seen in very a long time.” 

You didn’t say anything to that, because what could you say? So you pulled your arms tighter to your chest as your brows set passively ready to listen. You watched as he strolled your room the same way Harry did, but somehow when he did it it felt more intimate. Like he wasn’t studying you, but reading you like the pages of the books his fingers traced against lightly. 

“Then maybe I should be the one apologizing.” you offered sweetly with a sympathetic smile. When he looked to you this time he had a certain light in his eyes that wasn’t there before… It was like a split second of true happiness, and he wore it so damn beautifully your heart fluttered. 

Eggsy pushed his hands in his pockets, shaking his head at his feet as he stepped closer to you. He ended a professional distance this time, and didn’t opt for touching your face either, and you couldn't help but wonder if that was why his hands were hidden away so tightly. Was it to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing you again? You weren’t sure you would have minded so much this time if that were the case… you also didn't know if you should be worried by the fact that you didn't care anymore either.

“You got nothin’ t’be sorry about, luv... It’s me that went on like things was normal, like we was sti—” he stopped suddenly, that somber expression spreading like the warmth of a blanket, and with it erasing the previous glint of hope in full. He swallowed, and furrowed his brow turning away from you slowly. You could tell he was irritated at himself for what he'd just said, but it didn't bother you at all. 

“Normal?” 

He pressed the tip of his tongue to his top lip in thought as his eyes narrowed on you further. After swallowing down the lump in his throat, he nodded slowly your direction. You just watched him, trying to read him… to just get a gage on what was going through his mind, but all you saw was misery and confusion. 

“Look, Y/n… I’m gonna say somethin, an it’s gonna sound completely fuckin’ mental. But would you jus... can you try an listen?” when he asked you this, he stepped a little closer, transfixing his eyes to yours. You didn’t need to voice a reply, but you nodded in agreement ready to believe anything that slipped those marred lips. “I don’t exactly know how t’say this… so, I’m jus gonna spit it out, yeah?”

You nodded again, your own eyes setting almost affectionately as he begin pacing the space of your room. He started and stopped speaking several times, but didn’t make much progress, and if not for your burning need to know what the hell was going on- you’d of found it all extremely adorable. In a sad puppy dog kind of way...

But you could see his distress... you could fee it seeping off of him like ink as if it were your own; and you weren’t sure what came over you, but you walked up to him… you put your hands on either side of his face, and pulled his frenzied gaze towards yours softly. “Come back to me...” 

The way he looked at you was enough to snap you our of whatever you were doing, and you realized how grossly inappropriate you were being… what you’d just said…

What did y…why had you said that? 

Your face shifted uncomfortably as you cleared your throat, removing your hands from either side of his face hesitantly, and instead pulling them to scratch an itch you didn't have. “We... we've met before, haven’t we?” 

Eggsy looked at you differently this time; blithely and full of a silvery eagerness... and after a second he pulled his heavy head into a nod. His lips trembled slightly unable to find any words at all as he scanned your face for signs of recognition… any sign at all that you were still his... 

But he didn’t see a damn thing. Just someone that didn't know him... 

“Di-what..." you stopped, frowning deeper as you shake your head stammering like a fool. "what were… we?” you asked quietly, but you were pretty sure you already knew the answer.

He bit his lip then… harder than he should have as his hands clenched into tight fists inside his pocket. “We were…" he paused pressing the saddest sigh you'd ever heard through his lips. When he spoke again his words weighted heavy with defeat, and you felt that weight like a truck. "everythin’, Y/n.”

“Everything?” you repeated even quieter than before, but somehow you knew what he meant… You couldn’t feel it exactly, not the way he did, but you just knew it was there- that it had been since the dawn of time. 

You felt your stomach drop as a thick unease spread your limbs like honey. It rooted you... pinning you in place, and it hurt like all hell to see the face he wore now, but you just didn’t remember... 

You didn’t remember anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part tomorrow or sat! <3


	4. Chapter 4

You weren’t sure what you were expecting to hear but it really wasn’t that. It wasn’t any of that, or maybe it was now that you thought about it. Maybe you knew since the first time he looked at you that first day… The way his hands slid to your face so perfectly as if he'd done it a thousand times before, and that delicate tremble of his lip you’d since memorized… 

Yeah... you knew. 

But whether you knew or not, didn't change the fact that you couldn't remember it... And the fact that you had a whole life with someone-- No, not someone… with Eggsy. With this beautifully shattered man before you… that you couldn’t remember at all. You two had a whole world within each other, but you couldn’t remember any fucking second of it, and that made you feel sick to your stomach. 

It was heavy like tar yet dirty and dingy, and you fucking hated the way it slithered up your legs, locking your feet to the floor… it felt so incredibly wrong.

“What happened to me?” you asked softly looking away from him. The seconds were quick and silent, but felt long and tiresome… It was getting harder and harder for you to keep your eyes on his because the pain behind them burned like acid into your skin. "Why can't I remember anything?"

“Don’t really know, Y/n… It's gotta have somethin' t'do with-” he paused pressing a long sigh from his mouth, licking the bit of blood still present on his lips before starting again. “an accident you had I s’pose. You got hurt pretty bad.” he pointed to your head passively, and when he did so your fingers slid to the large scar above your left eyebrow like a magnet. 

Your fingers traced the scars length to where it ended just above your ear. You didn’t even know how you got it, and that never really bothered you before for some reason—but now just like a cat, you were filled with curiosity. 

A long sigh of your own slipped as you pulled your lip in to chew anxiously under lowered brow. “What kind of accident?” 

Eggsy wiped at his mouth and nose more out of habit than anything else, racking his brain for the best way to tell you what happened before you… Well, before you died. 

He wasn’t sure if he should tell you in truth. Yeah, he wanted you back. There was nothing he wanted more than to hold you tight and smell your skin again… He wanted you back so fiercely he could feel it rattling his bones, and he missed you so damn much that it literally hurt. But would telling you what you did before you died really do that? Did you need to remember all the people you killed, or how you almost killed Harry?

Wouldn’t telling you all of that just do more harm than anything else… He wasn’t sure, and thinking about it gave him a headache, so for now he would tell you the bare minimum. Later, once they knew a little bit more about what was going with you… then he could remind you what you did…

“You got shot a little over a year ago now.” he answered, but once again wondered if maybe he should just tell you what you did. 

Your fingers pressed back to your scar as you tried desperately to remember where it came from… You couldn’t remember a damn thing just like you couldn't remember anything else and it drove you mad. 

“This?” you asked, your hand still tracing it softly. Your voice was calm and slow despite what you felt inside. 

He nodded in response, stepping slightly closer to you. When he reached you he tilted his head in a way that let you know he was curious to see it, and you complied to his silent question; lifting the hair up and over to reveal your scar to him in full. 

Eggsy closed the space between you further ending less than a foot away, and you could feel his breath sliding against your neck softly in waves; sending chills throughout your body and warming you immediately. You swallowed down the feeling it gave you-- the feeling he gave you, only stealing peeks at his kind tired face when he seemed fixed on your scar… 

“Can I?” he asked quietly, and you nodded softly in response. Eggsy slid his fingertips over it slowly; starting at your brow, then gliding the span of it until his hand was spread in your hair once more. “Does it hurt?”

You shook your head no in response, your breath growing faster as you look up into the gentle emerald of his eyes. His hand still lingered at your neck deftly, his thumb tracing the lines of your jaw... He had the most doting gaze you’d ever seen anyone wear, and it was intoxicating. 

In that moment you felt like you’d been here before… Not in this room, with him exactly this way- but somewhere else; standing chest to chest with his breath and hands cascading you slowly, and perfectly up your neck, your chest… And you knew without a doubt that Eggsy was right. You were absolutely everything to him, and deep down you knew you must have felt the same way.

You felt something. Something low and cogent, but it wasn’t exactly love… or was it? You really weren’t sure, and the list of things you didn’t know was getting too long for you to keep track of. But one thing you knew for sure was that you weren't the person he thought you were. At least... not right now you weren't, and that felt strange. 

You felt so incredibly lost, and confused just like a drifter caught at sea waiting to drown or die of dehydration… 

“I’m so sorry, Eggsy.” you broke the silence finally, and when you said that his lips parted painfully as if he already knew what you were going to say. “I— I wish I could… be what you wanted me to be-- who you wanted me to be...”

When you said that his heart broke a little more, and for someone that thought all that was left in there were crumbles and dust, that really said something. But his heart didn’t hurt the same way it had before. No, this new pain was somehow worse because you were here— you were right fucking here in his arms— but you were so goddamn far away. 

He could see you, and feel you, but you just weren’t his anymore… you were someone else completely, and you didn’t know who he was. Hell, maybe you never would... But he had to try right? He had to do everything he could to get you back. He could never give up on you, cause just like Harry had said: You weren’t lost unless he stopped looking. 

And he would spend his entire fucking life searching the lands, the sea-- the bloody galaxy if it meant you’d come back to him in the end.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks were long, tiresome, and filled with endless tests designed to bring your memory back. Which apparently you’d lost after getting shot in the head by Richmond fucking Valentine of all people. Oh, and before he shot you, you and Harry had literally murdered an entire congregation of homophobic bigots because get this— you were a fucking spy and essentially brainwashed by some neurological wave Valentine created?

Yeah, it sounded just like a bloody movie and the clumsy, uncoordinated person you were right now would argue to hell and back that they were all wrong— that you were absolutely not their lead— that there was no way you were an agent of any kind... But even in all of your protesting you knew deep down they were right. It was that same feeling you had ever since Eggsy walked through that door, and it was telling you what they said was true. Even if you wanted to ignore it, the way it crept up your legs was undeniable. So you agreed to the questions and the tests, all of which failed miserably for the record. Some more horrifically than others of course, but ultimately they all ended the same: with you confused and proving to be inadequate, and with Eggsy more broken than the test before. 

The word ‘broken’ was sort of putting things lightly for him though. He was more like a rotting corpse posing as a human nowadays. He could hardly sleep most nights, and he didn’t eat a thing… but how could he focus on himself when you needed someone to show you who you were again? Eggsy would do everything he could to help you remember— even if the price to be paid was his downfall— he’d do it if that meant bringing you back. He’d do anything if it meant bringing you back. 

It’s what you would have wanted he was sure of it. But he found out pretty quick that he couldn't heal you on thoughts alone, or apparently anything else either because no matter how many tests were set, no matter how many days had passed... nothing changed. You couldn't remember him or who you were, and it tore you both to fucking pieces.

Every time you looked at Eggsy he seemed more shattered than the last, more tired than the last… and you couldn’t tell if you wanted your memory back for his sake or yours most times. Maybe it was a bit of both, but a much larger part of you knew you just wanted him to stop hurting. You knew that you wanted to be the one to stop that pain. 

Except could you—or rather would you ever be able to? And more importantly, what would happen if you never found the person he fell for again… What if that person really did die that day… Would he just give up, and leave you here to this room forever? Would he take you out into the real world and send you on your way? 

There were too many possibilities, and they all sent a dull pang through your body that oozed with uncertainty, and in it all you wondered what it was you wanted most… would it be easier to just turn your back and walk away from him? To walk away from whatever life you used to have… or should you just continue trying, and failing to be someone you just weren’t? Someone you may never be again...

You couldn’t decide, and once again you didn’t really have the time or energy to think about it. But one thing you couldn’t stop yourself from fixating on was the way that Eggsy still looked at you. Even when he was sad, or disappointed he held such an adoring gaze when it came to you. Such a sweet kind stare that made you weak in the knees in its ability to make you feel a little more whole… But sweet and welcomed or not didn't change the fact that it was damn confusing. So confusing that you didn’t even know which way was up half of the time. 

You didn’t know Eggsy at all— not really, not in the way he knew you... yet you almost felt as if you did. In a way you felt more connected to him than anyone else on the planet, yet it was such a distant feeling, just like a dream. It didn't sit well in your stomach when you realized you didn’t know the first thing about him. That you didn’t know how old he was, or where he was from… what kind of music he liked or his favorite movie— though something deep down told you it would be of the shitty action variety. 

It bothered you that you didn’t even know his fucking last name… yet, he knew every single thing about you, or at least everything about a version of you. 

That connection was still there, there was no denying that, and that lingering familiarity you could never shake still clung to you like a wet shirt. There was no denying how lovely he was, or the way his smile brightened your day… But he deserved more than than a pale copy of someone he used to know. He deserved someone that loved him back, that remembered his birthday and the first time they kissed. Eggsy deserved everything… but not someone like you. 

“You doin’ okay in here?” 

When you looked up from your desk it was Eggsy standing there, but of course it was, and was he a sight for sore eyes. He smiled at you softly, his eyes still dark and tired as he stepped closer to you. He looked just as handsome today as every day before, and you felt that flutter set off low in your stomach as his cologne slipped closer to you like a breath of air. 

“Yeah, of course.” you lied, and judging by the face he made he didn’t buy it. But clearly he knew better than to ask about it, and instead offered another less convincing smile and an otherwise accepting nod. “Where are the boys?” you asked with a more honest smile, pushing yourself from your seat.

“They’re uh… they’re gettin’ ready.” Eggsy pursed his lips anxiously; chewing on his cheek as a downward frown spread.

“Ready for what exactly?” and really, just what the hell were they doing because Eggsy’s face seemed anything but hopeful. In fact, he seemed even more heartbroken if that was possible. 

“We got a bit of a save the world situation here… an I jus—“ he stopped pressing his lips to a fine line as his brows lowered to match. You noticed right away that his breath was quickening, like he didn’t know what would happen… like he wasn’t sure what to say, and in turn your own heart pounded fiercely. 

“You just what?” you couldn’t hide the confusion from sweeping your voice or expression as you stepped closer with eyes lifted suspiciously. Once again you were met with two versions of yourself; unable to find which was true and which was false… no way to know if your feelings now were new or old, if they were yours or someone else's. But you did know you didn’t want this to be the last time you saw Eggsy. It just couldn’t be... 

“Guess I jus wanted t’say goodbye… in case somethin’ did happen out there." he sighed shallowly, running his tongue across his lip in pause. "It don’t look too good this time, Y/n... Might not be makin’ it back.” 

You crossed your arms as a sharp breath released, your brow furrowing in protest as your heart and mind screamed several different things. You couldn’t tell if you’d just grown attached because he was so fond of you, or if you truly needed him… you couldn’t tell if you wanted him around because he was right and you two really were meant to be together, or if you just wanted someone to love you. It was shit, and you knew it but you honestly had no idea where to start. You had no idea what was the truth anymore, but one thing you did know without a doubt was that you cared about him, and that least of all he was your friend.

Whoever you were now… whether you’d be this person forever, or just awhile longer— that person didn’t want to see Eggsy hurt. That person wanted to see him again. 

“You—” you paused to swallow the lump in your throat, forcing it away as your posture straightened and your gaze locked to his. “Please just be careful, Eggsy. I know I still don’t know you very well but, I quite like you so far.” 

He smiled then, not as pained as some of the others you’d seen, but just as beautiful. He nodded shallowly unable to find words, then turned to leave the room with one last smile goodbye. Before he made it to the door though, you called his name— just once, and he slid his eyes back to yours expectantly; one brow raised slightly tighter than the other.

“Come back to me, okay? I still…” you stepped closer with yes still lowered, reeking of uncertainty as if you didn’t even know where your words were coming from. And to be honest, you didn’t… they just fell out of your lips like sand through your fingertips, but somehow you knew they were right. “I know I’m not… that I’m not who you want me to be, Eggsy. But... This version— s/he need’s you too. So, just come back to me.”

Eggsy’s lips parted slightly, his eyes opening and closing slowly as he scan your face gently. He walked to you then with gaze unwavering, and strong. He stopped just under a foot away, and when he did the smell of his skin wrapped around you like a blanket, his stare full of that same perfect sense of admiration as before. “You are exactly what I want, Y/n… don’t matter t’me which one a you’s I got— long as you’re here, ya get me?”

You smiled up at him, cheeks turning a shade pinker as he finished. “An there ain’t nothin’ that’s gonna keep me from you, alright? Nothin’ in this whole bloody world.” He slid his hand to your cheek, his thumb tracing the skin beneath softly. You didn’t look away because you didn’t want this moment to end, but at the same time it scared you. 

It scared you like the trek up a roller coaster did, or when going down steep hill would… and that feeling was strong. It was almost as strong as the undeniable pull between you two. That pull was so powerful you weren’t even sure you even wanted to resist it. So… you didn’t. You slid your hand to cover his, your own thumb tracing the lines on the back of his hand. A moment later you leaned up, and into him; you hardly knew what was happening, you were just acting on pure instinct. 

His lips were hovering closely to yours, so close to feeling you again… but just as he was about to close the space fully the door opened, and you pushed from him faster than you strode his way. A shocked and almost embarrassed expression cascaded as you pulled your hand to cover your mouth guiltily, tossing your eyes towards the intrusion in a flash. 

It was Jack… or rather Whiskey, and he did not look happy. That was of no surprise to you, because he hadn’t taken to your new guests as kindly as you and Ginger had. In fact, he seemed to downright hate them. Which in truth was probably why you had such a hard time with it all… well, at least in part. You knew you couldn’t blame it on anyone but yourself in the end, but having one of the only people you trusted not happy about your new friends didn’t exactly help. 

“You bout ready to go, Galahad? We got a plane to catch. Today.” Jack spoke from the door, his hands sliding to his hips as he gaze at you two from above the rim of his sunglasses.

Eggsy cocked his chin in irritation as his tongue slid across the base of his teeth, biting it lightly. “Yeah, I’m ready.” he said back short and sweet, stepping towards the door and away from you. He looked back at you though one last time, offering a set of kind eyes and a sweet reassuring smile. 

“Be seeing you soon, Y/n… promise.” and with that he stepped through the door, and out of sight. Whiskey lingered for a moment after him, just looking at you. You weren’t sure what that look in his eyes was about but you’d never seen it before, and you really didn’t like it… for some reason, that look seemed final, and in that moment you didn’t know if Eggsy was right.

For some reason, you weren’t sure you would be seeing him again…


	6. Chapter 6

Something wasn’t right— no, nothing was right. This was more than the usual ‘I don’t know who I am’ not right, of course… this ‘not right’ you could feel tingling in your fingertips, pumping through your veins where your blood should be, and seeping into your bones like a stain on satin. It was heavy, thick and oh so wrong as it slithered and slipped around you.

It’d only been about ten hours since he left but you knew something was wrong since Whiskey turned and shut your door. You pushed from your desk, breath fiery and unchecked as you walked to the mirror suddenly. Your chest rising and falling as you look into it, and knowing you’d never see anyone didn’t change the fact that you knew someone would be watching.

“Open the door, Ginger.” you nearly ordered, your face only inches from the glass separating you from whoever was on the other side of it. “You have to let me out of here… There’s— something’s wrong.”

But only silence and your own reflection stared back at you. 

You knew there was a small chance that the mirror was just a mirror, and that there really was no one back there. But you had a feeling that wasn’t true. You had a feeling there was someone watching you, and that they’d always been watching you.

“Ginger, please.” you nearly begged this time under furrowed brow, clenching your fists into tight balls at your side with lips pressed into a fine line of irritation and pleading. “I have to help him…”

But again all you were given was silence.

You closed your eyes pressing a deep sigh of failure from your lips as you turned from the mirror, holding your back to it in defeat. That feeling was still present poking you like a needle persistently, but what could you do? You were suck in this room. Stuck and only a fraction of the person you should be… That thought made you realize more than you wanted to in that moment. You couldn’t remember any training you’d apparently had, you weren’t even sure you’d ever punched someone in your life.

So even if you did manage to get yourself out of here, and to wherever the hell Eggsy was... what would you do? What good would you even be to him like this?

You decided it didn’t matter. At least not yet because you could figure it out when you got there. If you were lucky your instinct would kick in like everyone had been hoping would happen with the tests. If you weren't... well, you'd die for real this time. You tried not to think about that or the fact that all of said tests had failed in the past because that was more stress you just didn’t need then.

But this time was real. This time you had something to fight for, and even if you got yourself killed at least you would be doing it for someone else. If Ginger wasn’t going to help you, then someone else would have to. 

You were pretty sure that Tequila owed you a favor... But before any plan of action could be made the door crept open and standing on the other side was Ginger, Tequila and a dark blonde haired woman you’d never seen before. She was short, stupidly adorable and something told you she could kill a man using only a tube of lipstick.

You pushed from the mirror, your lips parting curiously as the unknown woman stepped forward offering a wide and pure smile. That same creeping familiarity spread and you could tell that you knew her before in your old life.

“Y/n, this is Roxy, or rather agent Lancelot with Kingsman… you two worked together back in London before your accident. She—“

But before Ginger could continue Roxy stepped forward urgently interrupting her with an apologetic smile. “I don’t mean to be rude, but time is not on our side here. I received a message from Merlin, and you were right they need us, Y/n.” she paused, her amber eyes sparking affectionately despite her dire tone. “I suspect you don’t remember me, but I assure you that I am a friend.”

You let a soft sound of relief slip; sort of like a laugh as you smiled, knowing somehow she was absolutely right. “I know. Let’s go.”

And before you knew it you, Roxy and Tequila were on a plane headed for Cambodia of all places… your nerves were bubbling wildly beneath your skin as you pace the space of the plane having no idea what you’d do when you got there. You could just stare at the bad guys you guessed… you could trip over them, or tell them an embarrassing story from your adolescence— that might kill them.

But was there anything useful you had to offer? Old Y/n may have been a bad ass super spy, but this new Y/n was just plain 'bad'.

“Fuck…” you mumbled under your breath ending at the bar. You were flush with anxiety unsure if you could even handle whatever you would find at the end of this flight, but you knew you had to try. You knew that Eggsy would do the same for you, and that even if the old Y/n was dead, this new one wasn’t. This new one had a chance, however small.

After a moment you swallowed down the last of your drink, elbows pressed to the bar you now sat before. You turned around quickly when you heard a set of footsteps approaching from behind, and relaxed just a hair when you saw they belonged to Roxy.

“How are you doing?” she asked when she reached you, taking a seat beside you at the bar.

“Oh, you know… don’t remember who or what I am, or have the slightest idea on what to do when we get there— but, at least I have this, right?” you tipped your empty glass towards her with a forced smile and a cock of your head. When you realized it was empty you frowned weakly.

“I can fix at least that.” she nodded assuredly then leaned up and over the bar grabbing a very expensive bottle of vodka; popped the lid off then filled your glass to an almost inappropriate level. It was quite a lot of vodka, but the flight would be long and you two had plenty of time to sober up before you got there...

Once your glass was full she pulled the bottle straight to her lips with an uncaring smile. It was hard not to laugh at the way she seemed not to care at all, and you turned to face her with a soft kind smile of your own. The warm feeling of friendship drifting between you two like a wave. You shrugged then pulled your own glass to your lips matching her previous gulps to catch up.

Roxy laughed back happily, wiping the few runaway drops of liquor that slipped the corners of her mouth. “You know… there was a time where we didn’t get along very well.”

You were surprised because even though you couldn’t remember her exactly, you felt comfortable and safe around her. So you lowered your brows curiously, voice raising in question. “Wait… seriously?”

She laughed again short and sweet, her fingers tracing each letter across the label of the bottle. “It was pretty bad actually.”

“Why?” you shook your head, voice raising in question.

Roxy waited a moment, her mouth pursed in a way that let you know she was thinking. That she was trying to find a place to start... “You can't remember this, but everyone at Kingsman loved you. You were this bright shiny star, and Eggsy just— well, he adored you from the moment he saw you.”

You felt a tingle of unease spread as you watch Roxy carefully and you weren’t sure what she was trying to say, but this conversation felt new somehow. Not in the way everything felt new for you since you weren’t the Y/n everyone expected you to be, but in a way where this was the first time there wasn’t a lingering hint of deja vu in it.

“Did you two..?” you asked lowering your brow, your lips pressing together tightly. It made you uncomfortable even though you really had no right. You weren’t the person he’d been with, not really… maybe that person had a right to be cuffed, but this one sure didn’t.

She shot her eyes to you in an instant. They were full of near disgust, and boarding hilarity. “Oh, god no… Eggsy is like my brother, I could never. Just— no.” she shivered off the disgust, her tongue slid out as if she had a bad taste in her mouth before she pulled the bottle to her lips once more; a muffled ‘ick’ slipping as she swallowed.

“Okay, okay… I get it, you don’t like him.” you spoke with a laugh then joined her for another sip, or 3. “Then, why didn’t you like me exactly?”

“Because I thought you were going to hurt him.” Roxy confessed honestly, her voice soft and quiet as if she could hardly say the words she felt. She sighed heavily, pulling her hand to rub across her forehead before starting once more. “I will admit I judged you prematurely. But Eggsy’s been through a lot. Before you— before you died even. I’m sure you knew at one point, but it’s not really my place to tell you now... The bottom line is he’s the closest thing I have to a family now, so I’m rather protective of him.”

You nodded briefly to show you understood, and even sympathized with her. A nod to say she could continue freely, and that you were here to listen.

Roxy shrugged taking another drink from the bottle she now clenched rather tightly. “You really do burn bright, Y/n. Just like the stars everyone thinks you’re from, and I think I was just worried you’d burn him up too. I thought when you were done you might leave him shattered and dried up like ash.”

“I guess you were right, huh?” your voice rang labored with defeat as you stare at the liquid spinning between your fingers, and for a moment you felt guilty… guilty for not remembering Eggsy when he so clearly loved you from the get go.

Guilty for dying.

Guilty for proving Roxy right...

“Y/n, I didn’t mean it that way, I jus—“

“I know, Rox, you don’t have to explain.” you replied informally only realizing when it was too late, but she didn’t seem to mind.

It was weird having pieces of the old you slip though sometimes… it made you feel like you were part of some play, and didn’t know any of your lines so you just had to improvise them; yet somehow they were always perfect.

“But it’s true, isn't it? Look at him... h-he's just so broken." you sighed again, slower this time. "I don’t know a lot about who I was a before all of this. I can hardly remember anything to be honest. One thing I do know though— somehow... is that he wasn’t always like this. I did this to him.”

“You can’t honestly blame yourself for dy—“ she looked at you sharply then closed her lips as you continue twirling your clear liquid to no end, her breath fine and shallow signaling it was her time to listen.

“I don’t blame myself, I blame Valentine. I blame him for taking my entire life from me. For taking… for taking Eggsy from me.” you paused again completely unsure where you were going with any of this, but at this point you were absolutely feeling that booze and you didn’t really care if anything made sense. “What if I never get it back... what if I never get him back?”

Roxy didn’t know what to say because she didn’t know if you ever would. She may have been in London cleaning up the mess of Kingsman these last several weeks but she’d spoken to Eggsy since day one. She saw the scans, and the results... but Roxy knew these kinds of things were unpredictable, and that there was a chance you would remember one day like they all hoped.

But she also knew there was an even bigger chance that you wouldn’t... that you never would.

“You will.” she lied, and even though you could see it painted clearly across her delicate features— you didn’t care because at this point her sweet lies tasted better than the bitter truth.


	7. Chapter 7

_BOOM._

You jerked your head forward sharply searching through the thick green brush you three waded though like water for a source of the intrusion, and you'd be lying if you said you weren't scared. The crack of an explosion rippled like waves dying out after a second around you, leaving with it a strange taste in your mouth... You looked to Roxy with heavy eyes and thin frown stretched well past the corners of your mouth in question. 

“Do you think t—“

Before you could finish asking something you weren’t sure you wanted an answer to, all hell broke loose. From somewhere ahead there was a shower of gunshots following another explosion and you jumped again, feeling your heart race and echo in your ears as loud as the eruptions encasing you. When you looked to Roxy and Tequila they were both calm, and collected of course, but you were anything but still. You felt like your heart was going to bust through your chest it was racing so fast, and there was a dull ringing banging the chamber of your skull like a drum. 

“Stay in the back alright, Y/n? We can’t be sure that you’ll be able to do this— that your instincts will kick in tha— just please be careful.” Roxy warned gravely, standing straight and making her way towards you with worry behind her eyes. She was beginning to regret bringing you along for this little trip… Beginning to see the stupidity of it all. 

Eggsy would never forgive her if something happened to you, but she couldn’t just leave you, could she? It wasn’t like the Statesman were mistreating you or anything, but you shouldn’t be there. You should be with your people, and she wasn’t ready to believe you were gone for good. She hoped this would be what would bring you back to Eggsy... Because she was getting so tired of seeing her best friend in pieces, and just wanted to see him smile again.

You nodded after a moment in acceptance and understanding, pulling a breath in to hold as you toss your eyes towards the thunderstorm of bullets ahead. Your breath was still rushed at first, but when you slid your eyes towards Roxy’s again it seemed to finally steady.

You parted your lips, lightened your eyes and nodded again assuredly. “I can do this.” 

Roxy didn’t need to voice a reply, she just put a hand to your shoulder then tossed Tequila a look you couldn’t read before raising her gun and continuing forward. When she reached the outer rim of what seemed to be an amusement park she screamed such a blood curdling yell you felt shivers running down your spine like tiny pinpricks. She dropped to the ground like a puddle and when you reached her, you saw what evoked such a terrible sound from her tiny frame. 

Merlin was spread heavily across the dark dingy ground… Both of his legs were completely missing from the knees down, and when you looked for them in the mess and the blood all you could see was a single shoe. His entire left hand and the majority of his forearm was missing as well, cut just below the elbow. He was quite literally soaked in his own sanguine, and was no doubt bleeding out if he wasn’t already dead that is... You felt the dank thick unease of death lingering beneath your breast with a vengeance, and for a moment you thought you may get sick. 

“Tequila! Please, ca— give me your alpha gel!” Roxy yelled at him with voice breaking, and now you were pretty sure she was crying as she paged Ginger back at Statesman HQ with an update. You didn’t know what to do or say, so you just stood there silently watching like a complete idiot as Tequila frowned deeply; shaking his head side to side while Roxy bind Merlin's arm to stop the blood from oozing... 

“It doesn’t work li—“ he tried telling her, but before he could even get out his first sentence she’d already told him to shut up and to just give her the damn pack. Which he did of course because even if Roxy was small, she was anything but weak. In fact, she was bloody terrifying. 

“I don’t mean to be… but look Lancelot, we gotta get in there. It ain’t soundi—“

But she cut him off again, telling him to just go and to get the job done. That she’d be there soon, and that the Kingsman needed him. He was reluctant at first which was to be expected, but he nodded hesitantly and slunk off through the brush as ordered towards the commotion. 

When you looked to your hands they were shaking now you realized, so you shoved them together; rubbing them quickly as if warmth would solve your problem at all. A moment later you kneeled beside them both, and you could see the specks of blood now dotting Roxy’s porcelain face as she stumble around with the packet and other trinkets you couldn’t begin to place. 

There wasn’t an easy way to explain what happened— what Roxy was doing because you didn’t understand. Maybe old you would have, but this one was like a scared child searching for their parent like that day you got lost at the faire when you were five… Silent, and confused then just as you are now, spinning in circles trying to find someone to hold on to. 

But lost or not whatever it was she did with that pack of alpha-whatever had done the trick. Or at least you think it did.

It looked much different now than the pouch Tequila handed to her… the previous packet of light blue liquid was punctured; spread over Merlin’s legs and arm graciously and shined a more orange and white now. You had no idea what was happening but you had a feeling it was beyond both new and old Y/n’s comprehension. Roxy ‘activated’ it with the shots provided, and two additional pylons she’d ‘made’ out of what appeared to be a pen and a chopstick which she pulled from god knows where… You may not have remembered the life of a spy, and even though it all felt wrong a lot of this was oddly familiar, and you weren’t sure how that made you feel.

After a minute more of fumbling Roxy's breath steadied slightly as she lifted a trembling hand to wipe away the fallen and now rose colored strand of hair from her face. She slumped back heavily onto the legs she sat atop looking at the mess before her with burdened eyes, and you could tell that she was scared. That she didn't know if what she'd done would do the trick...

You squeezed her arm, bringing her gaze to yours slowly. Now it was your turn to lie, and so you did. “He’s gonna be okay.”

She smiled back almost as if she believed you, running her head over that perfectly bald head of his; small smears of his own blood tracing where her hand passed lightly. “Yeah… He’s gonna be fine.” she ended in a whisper not pulling her eyes from him then, but she could see he was breathing which you realize was probably the only reason she stood up now. 

Roxy had done what she could, and you both knew Tequila was right… You had a job, and you had to keep going. 

A new vengeance was burning brighter across her crimson speckled face as she nodded and spoke to him again. “You’re gonna be just fine. We’ll be back for you soon Merlin. Please… just hold on.” her voice trailed off as she ended, that fire still hidden behind dismal yet determined brow.

Roxy pushed forward then towards the crescendo of bangs and pops alike with a new level of fury and resolve sweeping her 5’3 stature. When you made your way into the compound, your own gun raised and nearly shaking between your fingers there were bodies mangled and mutilated beyond belief. Each person decorated with bullet wounds and broken bones sticking out every which way was a reminder of what was probably coming for you at the end of all this. 

It was a fucking massacre, but it brought you comfort that at least so far there were no signs of Eggsy being one of them. No signs of Harry, and no sign Whiskey either, an until you saw a body you wouldn't give up. 

All the blood and gore was a lot for someone that couldn’t remember this was literally their job, but you pushed through it, and forward towards a diner so elegantly named after its owner. Whose name was Poppy, and in case you forgot that it was plastered on every other flashed out 50’s style building you passed thus far. You were so distracted by the lights and the bodies that you didn’t even notice that the sounds had stopped around you… that there wasn’t a single note anymore aside from the feint static of broken and flickering electronics buzzing like bees. 

No more screams of agony, no more bangs or pops... Just silence, and— was… was that Elton John?

“What the fuc—Rox, are you seeing this?” you scratched at your tired eyes convinced you were hallucination or still drunk, tossing her a look of utter disbelief as she looked back just as wide eyed and unsure. After a shrug from your partner, your eyes left the man in the multicolored feather suit, and instead drug to another that now pulled himself from the ground heavily. 

He was tall, and broad shouldered with only one arm and a buzz cut… and when he slid his eyes to the two of you, he sent that same familiar look that you’d received from everyone. Whoever this person was, well… he clearly knew you.

“Charlie…” Roxy said stiffly answering your question as she step closer to him with her gun raised high at his head. “Where is Eggsy… the others.”

“Dead by now.” he hissed back, pulling his hand to wipe at a beed of blood running down his chin. He spit then off to the side, and wiped his mouth again sending daggers into the both of you with his gaze, ending on you more pointedly. “Like you’re supposed to be… How did you survive anyway? Hmm... not without a scratch it seems.”

At that you felt a fiery pang stretching from your stomach, the way that a warm drink spreads out fanning your insides. This Charlie did know you, and judging by the death stare and pointed remarks he didn't much like you either. You didn’t say a thing though because what could you say? You had no memory of him, and he really didn’t need to know you weren’t that Y/n anymore.

“Where are they?” Roxy asked again stepping closer this time her voice ran with a grim warning. One he didn’t take seriously and merely smiled sinisterly in response to. 

He popped his neck side to side as if it were all just a game, then pursed his lips in defiance. Before he could say anything back though you two heard someone scream. No, not someone. Eggsy. And you felt as the world slipped more silent than before. It almost began crumbling around you when you thought of something happening to him… 

You still didn’t know him— not really. Still didn’t remember him the way he remembered you, but it didn’t seem to matter. None of it seemed to matter because remembering him or not didn’t change the fact that you knew deep down he’d been right all along.

That he was and always had been everything.

You stepped forward instinctively, your free hand clenching into a tight fist as your lips parted in anger, your brow lowering in suit. Charlie just laughed at you though, a small cough following after his chuckle as he lean forward failing terribly at hiding the pain he clearly felt rippling through his body. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll see him soon I'm sure. Poppy usually leaves at least a small part of them after she’s finished.”

“Wh… what the fuck do you mean?” you finally spoke tossing Roxy the briefest of glances.

Another loud yell pierced through the uneasy silence around you three and Roxy begged a silent question with her eyes— asking if you could handle this… If you’d be alright out here without her. 

Honestly, you weren’t sure but you nodded back replying just as silently with confidence as she began running towards the diner.

“What—you’re not going to join her to help your little boyfriend?” Charlie cocked his head, raising his brow at you like you were just a simple and easily broken toy. “Why is that I wonder... Are you worried I might be right?" he paused scanning your expression studiously, continuing again with voice slithery and full of taunting. "Or is it that you're just scared?”

“No... Actually for the first time in... I don't know how long I'm not scared at all.” you said shallowly ending in an almost laugh as a small smile crept your light yet still fiery expression. Your blood began boiling like a kettle under your skin as your chest heaved up and down in perfect cadence to your shallow set nod. Whether you remembered what to do next didn't really matter because now you had something to fight for. 

You had everything to fight for.

“But you, Charlie..." you started again, a soft almost nonchalant nod slipped. "you should be.”


	8. Chapter 8

_You can do this..._

“Is that so, little bird?” Charlie stepped closer to you, his eyes narrowing and brows raising strangely. He was only about five feet from you, and pushed a knowing smile across his lips when he noticed the confusion flickering behind your eyes. 

You just stood there under lowered brow with one hand pressed into a tight fist at your side, the other raised high and trembling to Charlie’s chest. You could hear the bangs and crashes coming from inside the diner, and all you wanted to do was go to them... to just help somehow. But with your heart racing the way it was and your fingers trembling alongside your labored breath, you knew you couldn’t. 

You knew you’d be more trouble than anything else and… Little bird? Had… where had you heard that before? 

He narrowed his eyes further taking one more step towards you almost casually. “What’s wrong, little bird?” 

A sharp breath pressed from your parted lips as you glance between both bright eyes that now grew larger. “How d—“ your voice trailed off before your second word could be said, and you wondered again where you'd heard that... Wondered how you could even respond to this— to him— without giving yourself away, or without making yourself an easier target. Charlie may of only had one arm, but something told you that was all he needed. 

Charlie cocked his head again taking another shallow step towards you. With your arm stretched out the way it was the gun barrel was almost pressed to him now, but he didn’t seem scared or bothered by it at all. Maybe he wasn’t… maybe he knew already that you were just a pale copy of whoever you once were… So you watched silently as he took another step toward you, and now the barrel was pressing firmly into him as his smile grew wider. Your face pulled about anxiously in response as he push himself harder into the gun, and after a second your arm gave way. You opened your mouth to protest but before you could he grabbed you by the back of your head, a fistful of your hair braiding in his only hand tightly. 

He yanked you forward, his own face hovering only inches from yours as he stare down with a gaze you couldn’t begin to understand. You’d apparently dropped your gun at some point because both of your hands were now free and gripping fiercely at the fist in your hair. 

It hurt, god damn did it hurt, and you couldn't imagine what getting punched in the face would feel like. An odd time to be questioning your previous life choices granted, but _ouch._ You wouldn’t give that bastard the satisfaction of a cry though, and kept the cries from your escaping. 

Charlie tilted your head to the side viewing your scar more closely with curiosity sparkling behind his bright familiar eyes. “Quite the scar you’ve got there now, little bird… I could of sworn Valentine killed you that day…" he purred synthetically pausing for only a moment before turning your head to inspect further. When he spoke again his voice was lighter, "I’m glad he didn’t.” 

It felt strange because Charlie clearly didn’t like you. Some could even argue by the way he growled now, and pulled at you that he even hated you... but if that were the case then why then did it feel like something else? If his hatred for you was true why could you hear the sincerity on his voice just now?

But he recovered quickly, and erased whatever glimmer of fondness was previously present in full. “You’re so quiet today… why is that, little bird?”

You still didn’t respond but you were pretty sure that Charlie already knew who you were— or rather, who you weren’t. The condescending cockiness in his slightly warm tone said a lot, but most of it you couldn’t understand. “Stop calling me that.” 

“But I’ve always called you that, haven’t I? We've always called you that... you never minded before.” he jeered arrogantly, accentuating 'we've' more than necessary. 

You kept your brow lowered into a fine line with lips pressed together just as sharply as you tried to hide the surprise from cascading your expression. Judging by the one he wore back however, you’d tried and utterly failed. 

Charlie sent out a short quick laugh, the soft reverberation of his voice box purring through like a roar. He pressed the tip of his tongue to trace the base of his teeth in thought for a moment before speaking again in that same mechanical whisper. “Let me ask you something… and if you get it right, I swear I’ll you go.” he paused, eyes pressing between your own in cadence. “What was the last thing you said to me?”

It would have been really nice to be in control of your mind or even your expression in that moment, because once again you’d broken your shitty cover without even opening your mouth. Hopefully other you was better at all this... You swallowed, parted your lips to speak but nothing came out. You had no idea what he meant, what any of anything meant let alone what kind of goodbye you’d had… you were stuck in the middle of the ocean again with no sense of direction, just waiting to die... again.

He squeezed the fist of your hair in his hand again, tighter this time as he lean in to your face. “Nothing?”

You watched him carefully, the glint of familiarity still present and sweeping— but this familiarity wasn’t anything like it was with the others. It didn’t feel friendly like it did with Roxy or Harry and Merlin. It didn’t feel like love or the warmth of a summer day like it did when you were with Eggsy either. 

This familiarity was different… this was…

“You really don’t remember me do you?” Charlie asked almost quietly as surprise fully spread his voice. This time when he looked at you he almost seemed relieved in a way as strange as that sounds, yet he also seemed sad as his brows lifted just a hair. 

You looked over his face carefully trying your best to place him, to remember him… to…

“Your… you’re my—“ 

But before you could finish the thought you weren’t sure would come Eggsy’s voice broke through your thoughts like a ray of light. “Let Y/n go, Charlie.”

Charlie turned towards him in a flash, his hand still spread through your hair as he jerked your face towards the uninvited guest. He looked from you and back to Eggsy tauntingly with a cocksure smile creeping, and you… well, you just watched quietly with your both hands gripping the fist at the nape of your neck. 

“You okay, Y/n?” Eggsy looked at you with fear behind his azure stare with near pleading lining his voice. 

He looked just as broken on the outside now as you knew he had been on the inside. His suit was ripped and bloodied, his face was cracked and bruised and that perfect head of hair was tossed every which way. Eggsy quite literally looked like death, but even in it all you saw the elegance and beauty of his kind broken face. Not only that but you missed it. You really missed it in a new and old way, and just the sound of his voice made you feel that much safer. 

A second later you let a sigh of relief slip alongside a tiny reassuring smile. You nodded and went to voice a reply but Charlie yanked your head again releasing a small whimper of pain instead, one you cursed yourself for letting out.

“Ohhhh, s/he’s fine, Eggy. Well, as fine as someone in this situation can be that is.” he warned looking at you with feigned sweetness. The almost kind way he looked at you a moment ago was gone and had been replaced by his initial anger, and you were left with a burn of irritation where that lingering hope for an answer had been.

Eggsy looked at you again, and the question he didn’t ask aloud was clear as it was day across his face. He wondered if you’d given yourself away… if Charlie knew who you were—who you weren’t… You replied just as silently with burdened eyes as your lips fell open in defeat. 

Charlie noticed this all of course, and smiled letting Eggsy know so. “Does that mean s/he doesn’t remember you either?” he taunted again in question, the silverly reverberation echoing lightly as he shook you. 

Eggsy pulled a sharp breath in when you winced in pain, it was becoming more and more obvious how bothered he was by the way Charlie was treating you. He may have looked tired and defeated when you first saw him, but the man before you was anything but weak. He stepping slightly closer under dismal brow with hands raised at his chest passively, despite the way he clearly felt. But Charlie just laughed again, pulling his lip in to chew as he begin shaking his head shallowly. 

A condescending ‘tsk’ left his pursed lips as he began stepping backwards with you. Your feet tripping over bodies and rubble alike as he pulled you towards the entrance. You watched wearily as Eggsy mirrored your steps; the distance not shrinking, but not growing much larger either.

“Everythin's gonna be alright, Y/n…” Eggsy told you with his gaze transfixed to yours, but you weren’t sure you believed it. There was something in those large azure eyes… something you just couldn’t ignore, and you were pretty sure old Y/n wouldn’t be able to either. You knew that look meant he just didn't know, and that didn't sit very well in your stomach. In fact, that look felt more like someone was opening a window to let the cold night air in, only the air was full of smog and ash, and at that realization you felt your hope slipping further away as the raven clouds surrounded you.

“Charlie… jus please don’t hurt—” Eggsy spoke directly to Charlie this time. A certain fear lifting off of each syllable he spoke with lightly. “You don’t have t’do this.”

“What exactly is it you think I’m going to do, Eggy… Kill my own bloody family?” he asked jerking your head once more. 

You looked up to him in a flash almost unable to believe what you’d heard. What… did you really hear that right? Was this… was Charlie really your brother? You looked to Eggsy begging the question with another silent stare, and the one he returned told you he was right.

“Wouldn’t put it past you. Especially if it meant breakin’ me.” 

Charlie scoffed unbelievingly. “Some of us have limits...” he ended far too pointedly for it to have been an accident, the pain clearly present in his voice and at that you narrowed your gaze on Eggsy wondering just what he meant by that…

“An what… I’m jus s’posed t’believe this is yours?” Eggsy stepped closer; the space closing between you for a moment before Charlie pulled you back sharply, leading you like a mare with his grasp. 

You hadn’t said a word, but again what could you say? You were so fucking lost... just like you’d been since Eggsy walked through your door that day. Lost, confused, and probably going to be murdered by a brother you didn't know you had. And for someone that didn’t think they could really get any deeper into this shitstorm, that was really saying something.

“Don’t worry… you’ll be seeing us again real soon.” Charlie ended in warning, another sinister smile spreading before he looked to you. “I promise.”

When you slid your eyes back to Eggsy's you noticed something… no, you noticed someone stepping closer behind him. You opened your mouth to scream a warning but before you could the figure had smashed him hard over the back of the head with what looked to you like a large mechanical arm. You screamed then as you began kicking and hitting at Charlie, and you wondered for a second why you hadn't tried it sooner. You didn't even care that it felt like fire on the back of your neck where his grip tightened against your struggle. You yelled and swung your arms around begging whatever instincts you allegedly had to kick in… but you just knew they wouldn’t, and were reminded why you hadn't tried.

Charlie stepped forward pulling you lightly by your leash as you screamed for him to let go. But you stopped suddenly, your voice freezing like ice in your throat finally focusing on who'd hit Eggsy so forcefully. You’d expected someone else. Someone bigger, taller… someone less female. But standing before you as if on display was a 40-something redhead with a sweet smile set ear to ear. She stepped forward with the mechanical arm stuffed between her arm and hip. She wiped her bloody hands to her flowered apron, her dark spiked heals digging into the dirt below them like needles, but she didn’t seem to notice, or if she did— she didn’t care at all. 

When the woman reached you she smiled so wide you could almost see every single one of her perfectly white teeth. She didn’t even seem real she was so damn cheery, and perfect. When she spoke her voice was so soft and singsongy you felt like you were dreaming.

“So this is the famous Y/n I’ve been hearing so much about.” she bat her thick dark lashes at you innocently before looking to Charlie as a soft chuckle slipped her lips. She then turned to him to present the arm with her tongue pinched sweetly between her teeth, her voice was soft and sweet but somehow rung in devastating warning. "Here... put this back on, will ya? And try not to lose it this time, sweetie."

Charlie let you go then, and you heaved over lightly from the force; rubbing the back of your neck before pulling your gaze to hers once more. You didn’t have to think long to figure out this would be Poppy, but you couldn’t believe this tiny woman was responsible for well… all of this. In that moment you knew you should run, hat you should try to hit them, or kick them. 

You knew you should do something— anything but you didn’t. You just looked from the woman to Eggsy’s unconscious body as the soft hiss of Charlies mechanical arm sprung back to life over your shoulder. 

“Welcome to the team.” a soft chuckle left her perfectly red lips as she nodded to Charlie just behind you.

When you shifted your gaze to the one behind you with protest behind your gaze, you were met with a sharp pain in the side of your neck. You slid your hands around it just as he pulled his arm back; his mechanical hand gripping a thin metallic tube of… of...

“Wh-whatdid…wha...” You fell to the ground, your vision blurring more and more as each second pass. The colors of red, green and silver mixing into one, leaving you in a syrupy cloud of smoke where your mind should be, and a sense of heavy unfathomable dread where your hope had been.


	9. Chapter 9

_“Careful with h...”_

Poppy spoke through the fog of darkness creeping around Eggsy’s line of vision. A moment of clarity splashed him in the face like a brisk wind before it died out in a soft haze around him, her previously almost clear words dripped like sand. 

_“...eed Y/n ali...“_

Another brief flash of light and clarity teased his senses, offering a small piece of the puzzle as it danced before his eyes like the sun glinting from just above the surface.

_“... an’t you ha…”_

Charlie’s muffled voice was the one to cut through this time, followed by a flash of bright blurred red in Eggsy’s peripheral. 

_“… he bloody rob…”_

Charlie's voice continued breaking sparingly through the nothingness surrounding Eggsy like a blanket, but it was nothing he could really understand. He was just so fucking tired all of a sudden... He just wanted to rest for a little while, but he had to try to listen. He had to try and remember something… anything.

_“... do it?"_

None of what he could make out made any sense… what were they… why couldn’t he just keep his eyes open for a little while…

“Oh, look who de…in us.” Charlie taunted through the fog as a blur hovering before Eggsy like an executioner. “Not yet, Eg... leep tight, mate.”

A flash of silver flickered before Eggsy’s dizzy eyes, and then fell against his jaw with such force that the thick black unease swallowed him whole.

———

It’s quiet aside from a soft hazy sparks flickering in the distance, only it’s loud inside of Eggsy’s head. He’s not sure he’s even awake yet to be fair, but he’s hearing the aftermath of explosions and bullets alike as if they were still pounding around him. He slid his elbows under his chest, propping himself up slightly as he eye the carnage surrounding him with weary and half closed eyes. 

A quick pivot later and he’s sitting with legs propped out before him, a pang shooting through his ribs and he’s pretty sure at least three of them were broken. He slowly slid his fingers to the warm blood he felt trickling at his temple, cracking slightly from where the dirt had mixed at the wound. 

Eggsy flinched slightly when he touched it even though he knew it would hurt before he did it, the quick shock of pain shooting through him as the pieces fall together. “Y/n…”

He pulled himself to his feet then scanning the area for you, or for any signs on where Charlie may have taken you… He ran towards the entrance with haste and anticipation building with each step, but from what he could tell you were nowhere to be seen, and if his instinct told him anything it was that Charlie would have taken you far away from there the first second he got. 

"Fuck me!"

What he would do when he got you there was a whole other story... One Eggsy wasn’t sure he knew how would end, or maybe he did know but couldn’t bring himself to admit. For a moment he wondered if he should have just told you about Charlie from the beginning. Wondered if he should of told you about what he himself had done to your parents in order to stop Valentine… All those little secrets were kept safe to protect you, he’d said, but really it would be those secrets that would push you away. At that realization his fists clenched tightly at his side, almost so tightly he felt the fresh scabs splitting at his clenched knuckles as the warm blood slipped between the cracks of his fingers. 

How could he have let this happen? How could he possibly find you now? He had no idea where to even start but that was the least of his worries, and he knew it. Yeah, it drove him insane him that you were with Charlie and that crazy bitch Poppy, but with the cure never having been administered... well, the world was complete shit and it was their job to fix it. Only Eggsy couldn't even fake how little he cared about that right now. 

Alright, that was a bit much but honestly how could he focus on that mess with this one still burning like a fire inside his chest. It wasn't exactly comforting to know that psycho had you, and there was no way to tell what she might do to you for information, especially given what he'd seen her do to Harry... But if there was one thing he was almost certain of it was that Charlie wouldn’t let her. 

He and Charlie may had never gotten along very well in the past (which was putting things rather lightly), but they always had one thing in common: You. And all along Eggsy knew that hatred mostly boiled down to Charlie never thinking that he would ever be good enough for you. Deep down Eggsy knew he was right... you deserved everything the world could offer, and so much more. You deserved to be showered in gifts and littered with affection; and even though it wasn’t really your taste, he wanted to be the one to give all of that to you. But Eggsy wasn’t stupid, and he knew better than to believe Charlie’s hatred came only from his upbringing or inferiority. 

It had to do with so much, and so little at the dame time. The fact that Charlie didn’t get the job with Kingsman, the fact that Eggsy— a piss-poor pleb was the one to take that life from him.

That and he’d quite literally murdered your parents on V-Day...

The bottom line was that Eggsy was sure you were safe, even despite their differences and his mistakes. Or at least, he hoped you would be, and for the first time since he found you he was actually envious of your condition. How wonderful would it be to just to forget the terrible things he had to do that day... How amazing would it be to close his eyes and not see all of their faces staring back at him... 

Eggsy shoved those dark thoughts to the side as best he could, and cursed himself for ever trying to find peace in such a thing. He had to live with those choices the last year, but until now he never really looked at it as it was. The fact that he was the one to take your parents life… Maybe Eggsy was quite stupid after all. It was sort of hard to ignore now though with reality creeping around him like the bright summer sky over the lush green. 

The faint cooing of unknown birds, and the quite patter of life surrounding his ears was almost peaceful for a moment, but that peace didn’t last long, and Eggsy was shoved back to reality in a flash. He raised his gun high to the side towards the quiet patter of footsteps approaching ready and almost hoping for a fight.

“Eggsy! Fuc— put that down, will you? It’s just me.” Roxy called lightly from just under three yards away. Her hands were raised passively over her face, and her voice was calm despite her bruised and bloodied expression and suit. 

He listened after a moment and his hand slipped lightly to his side, his brows falling into that sad puppy dog quiver he’d honestly perfected. Roxy didn’t acknowledged his demeanor at first, and simply walked past him urgently ready to check on Merlin or find the others, but when she realized he didn’t follow she stopped. After a moments hesitation she turned slowly to face him, her own face drawn in rather painfully. “I’m sorry… I never should of—“

But he cut her off before she could properly voice her apology. “Shouldna what, Rox? Brought Y/n here? No… that was pretty fuckin’ daft, wasn't it?” he growled harshly, and this time his brows were lowered in anger as he step forward accusingly. 

Roxy couldn’t even blame him though because she knew he was right. She had even worried that very thing would happen only hours before, but her warning came a little too late… Too late, or maybe she just decided to ignore it until it became that way. She didn't know, and it didn't matter because you were gone, and she was ultimately the one to blame.

So she pressed her lips together finely feeling the weight of reality pulsing between her temples, her eyes still light and apologetic as she nod just once. “I know. It was stupid… But I honestly thought s/he could do it. I thought… I thought this would help bring Y/n back to you… I fucked up, and... I'm sorry, Eggsy.”

Eggsy couldn’t even be mad at her after that, and could see the pain etched delicately across her broken face. He could see just how badly it tore at her, and in that moment he felt guilty for snapping the way he did. But he wasn’t himself lately... Actually, he hadn’t been himself for a long time, and it seemed his night terrors were only getting worse as each sun set. Well, when he was able to sleep at all that is. 

He pulled a bloodied hand to massage at the side of his neck as Roxy stepped closer. She put her hand to his shoulder offering as comforting a rub as she could muster before pulling him into a reassuring hug. “Don’t worry, Eggsy… We’re gonna find Y/n.” she slid both her hands to either side of his face, pulling his unbelieving gaze towards her fierce, determined eyes. “I promise. If it’s the last bloody thing I do, I’ll bring Y/n back to you.”

“What if there’s no one t’bring back this time?”

She smiled, an almost mocking sigh slipping as she narrowed her eyes on his. “There is.” And for the first time since she heard Eggsy had found you, the words leaving her marred lips didn’t taste like lies.


End file.
